am i being defiant?

seriously ... will you please someone, anyone tell me if i am being defiant to the point where i would EVER face imprisonment again!  I WILL LISTEN to you if you tell me if I am being TOO defiant. 

I was just raised to empower my voice and I was always granted the liberty of using MY SOAP BOX ... even if it meant I needed to do it at home, in my room with the door closed and just a keyboard, a modem and my transistor radio!

"so, in addition to any other human being on planet earth, i know my mother and father read my blogs.  maybe i am being "too defiant" judge herndon, but maybe you should listen to them about their daughter and her "criminal intent" -- you know, that "mens rea" thing you need in order to imprison anyone in a civilized, sane society." -- Running Rant!

Because the story isn't really that different than anything else you would find on television.  But it did happen to me -- my parent's daughter.  So, as the Mother of My Daughter, I need to be CERTAIN The Story of Her Mother is written and spoken in my words . . . or their words, with only the context I can have being the person having done what I did.  What I did that got me sent to jail for 121+ days of our lives together.

"The Suggestion wasn't even made.  So, in a sense, It was a collective blonde moment for everyone involved.  But, as I sit on the upper bunk in room 20, in module 3D or "David," of the Clark County Detention Center in Las Vegas, Nevada, watching the fountaining lights of The Plaza Hotel & Casino, I just say, "Damn.  Imprisoned for a blonde moment!"

"The Suggestion" being was that I was not right.  No one said to me, "Elaine, you are wrong.  Do ______ instead."  Warnings were given to me that I HEARD and CHOSE to either (a) believe they could not be real, (b) the people involved or that I got involved were who I was working with to create my reality, or (c) if they are real and that is why I was NOT wrong.  Mostly it was (a), hence the blonde moment of my decision that resulted in the reality that became my life. 

I do hope I have lived and learned and know the difference between (a), (b) and (c) a little bit better.  But until I am sure, I'll continue to allow the randomness of the universe lead the way and just x.perience this blahhhhnde moment.

Realize every moment of every second you are alive and be in URmoment a most amazing reality.  Write #URownStoryEveryDay.

peace & harmony,
niki
'freedom must be exercised to stay in shape!'

'scum of the urth'

that's who goes to jail ... right?!!!! 

so.  that's me.  who else goes to jail?
addicts?
junkies?
hookers?
thieves?
murderers?
molesters?

pretty much.  but mostly what i found in jail . . . humans.  and a whole lot of stories.  there were girls in there that needed to be in there.  reality be told ... I NEEDED 2 B N THERE.  i still maybe do not even REALLY know y, but for some reason, I needed to be in there to experience this Reality in this moment instead of a moment I would have been in IF i had not gone to jail.

"The suggestion wasn't even made."

Wrong.  The Suggestion was made.  It just did not make sense to me and She could not explain it either.  So Cindy agreed with me to bring the boy to her at the Trustee's Office.  Even though we Both Knew Craig Kadlub would get involved.  She would have had to be my co-conspirator if a conspiracy was involved.  I wonder why my "Attorney" never even raised THAT ? . . . . sigh.  life is always full of interesting recollections! 

Boy, that part of The Story needs to be explained, maybe the Police Report would help.  I'll post it up tomorrow.

peace & harmony,
elaine
'liberties ARE best taken straight up!' - Nikohl Vandel sez "thank u 4 reading my blogs!!!!"

Why We Do Things

We do things because we can.  It is as simple as that.  As soon as we give ourselves permission that something is "ok," if we desire it, we do it.  Individually and collectively, we do it.

It is now intrinsic in our societal structure to exclude in order to create our Living or Operational Reality.  In our Operation Reality, we are completely capitalistic in our structure.  And, unfortunately, most, if not all, behavior is justified, codified, regulated and manipulated to suit the Governing Norms.

The Governing Norms that makes no sense to me are those of enslavement and imprisonment -- the taking of the freedoms and liberties of another human being -- just because it can be done.  The arbitrariness of the judicial system, based on its intrinsic needs to protect itself, becomes less so when viewed from the inside.  Inside a jail cell, the system of efficiency is self-evident.

"The only thing that makes jail so different is that its unknown, until it is experienced, that is.  Each day someone new comes in (like me) and its a whole different world -- completely self-contained and dedicated to self-perpetuation.  If anyone in America still has the illusion that our jails and prisons are designed to (a) punish or (b) rehabilitate, I'm here to completely shatter that illusion.  Prisons and jails are big business and what does every business need to succeed?  Repeat customers.  Our jails are structurally and functionally designed to create and perpetuate the criminal consumer."

You see, before I experienced this, I thought we supported the judicial system in order to perpetuate a system of ethical behavior in our Living Reality.

Are not jails and our judicial system supposed to be

about creating a society of JUSTICE?

or
was it about ECONOMICS all along?

I'm not a hater.  If its about Economics, that's fine.  Just why was I told that it is about helping people, who may not have any other kind of help, become a functioning -- if not a happy and functioning -- part of our society?

Did I misunderstand my parents when they explained that to me?

Did I misunderstand the church when I learned about it there?

Did I miss something completely?

I thought we wanted everyone happy and functioning in our society.  

Help.  Very dizzy and confused right now.

"For Me?!! Really!!" Gifts In Jail

Books.  That is the only gift, besides money for your "book", you can give to anyone in jail.

"Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill is a classic.  My sister sent it to me in jail.  She has a clever sense of humor.  I use "The Book," for reference to Hill's classic.

"The Book says to make decisions quickly and don't look back.  I'm not sure if that's good advice or not.  Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.  Although I THINK perhaps my better one's were made quickly -- I KNOW my defining one's have been made quickly.  But I really don't know why I'm so undecided on writing -- no, not writing because I've already written it -- but submitting it.  Maybe I just am exhausted by the futility of everything.  Truly, everything is futile.  When you sit and think about how completely imprisoned we are in our illusions of grandeur and importance, when all it takes is one person -- just one person who has been given "authority" or "control" or "power" that can forever change the life you want to live and think you are "creating."  Futility to do anything in a picture of hopelessness....  Oh, what folly does any of this mean on this Earth Day as I sit here in jail?  Probably absolutely nothing.  Should I ever be able to piece together anything meaningful from these thoughts, at least we know where it all first came together."

And, then I had a little "footnote," off to the side of that writing: "I wonder what Revelations 11:11 says?" 

And then I looked it up and had a good laugh, not so much because of the text of the passage, but because the ixQuik search engine brought me first to the "Skeptic's Annotated Bible," and their banner advertisements: 

on the top: 

Arrest Records:  2 Secrets

InstantCheckmate.com

1) Type Name and State 2) Unlimited Secrets About Anyone. Takes Seconds

and across the bottom:

 

Seminario de Financiera

RichDadEducationSeminars.com/Gratis

Llegando al area de Palm Springs Feberero 12-14.  ¡Registrese Hoy!

 So, the mystery of the randomness of the universe through whatever vibrational synchronicity we maintain our existence, thanks to AdChoice, we have been brought back full circle.  Oh, yes, and while that note was really in reference to that part of my writing that I've "...." for a future time, after I followed that white rabbit, I had to include it here because it was meant to be, obviously, for our amusement. 

Be in love or as close to it as possible in each moment.

peace & harmony,
elaine x

'liberties are best taken straight up!' - nikohl vandel

Jailhouse Fantasies

 So, in jail, I got to fill my days and nights with anything I wanted.  Well, anything I wanted from that which was available to me:  My pen, paper, pencils and no more than 3 books.  And, I really didn't have to do anything else.  If I wanted to eat, I could eat or not.  If I wanted to go out for my hour of free time, I could or not.

The librarian of any jail has got to be the most interesting job on planet earth!  While their selection is "Best Selling" novel heavy, I must say, they do present broad variety of books on how to kill and kill and kill some more.  I would say easily 78% of the books I read involved a murder or other violent crime, 20% were non-fiction and 2% were fiction that were just nice stories.

The following blAHnde Moment jumped out at me as I was reading my writings from jail, as at the top of the page was quoted, "deep throbbing penetration into her wet, warm tightness."   "Goodness!  What was happening that day?!" I asked myself as I scrolled back to find its context:

"Gray daze...outside and inside.  Maybe just the Monday morning blues.  Maybe its hormonal.  Maybe it is the overcast weather.  I have decided that of all the minions of infinite mind loops that one can follow while staring at a white concrete block in the dim light that never allows true darkness to fall, the most vicious one is that of a sexual nature.  Fantasy has no place in a cel, but all thoughts beyond this cel are just that -- fantasy -- save perhaps those of memory.  Even with the attempts at sexual arousal by those 'Best Selling' novelists who fancy themselves erotic enough to include the obligatory sex scene or two amongst their leading man and woman -- usually while in the midst of their life and death struggle against some heinous violent serial killer madman who threatens them even in that most intimate moment, let alone that 'deep throbbing penetration into her wet, warm tightness' -- the best one can go for in this hard sterile environment is the world of fantasy....  And without a single piece of "eye candy" to even begin to appear in this environment, you are really left only to memories.  And those are just too real to have any place in an environment this surreal."

When life is simple, every decision is important, even if you only have 2 to 3 to make. 

peace & harmony,
elaine x
'liberties are best taken straight up." -niki v.

In A Holding Cel

DON'T MISS SHIT
U don't have to miss
because U R doing
something that feeds that
which takes away UR power.
birds of a feather flock together (right?),
so, B the bird U want to B
and those who are 2
will B there right
there with you.
maybe,
not
?

I was reminded by John Carlos about, "just showing up" as being the most important thing you can ever do.  If you are there, you are given the opportunity to be a part of the experience.  Even if you are not "there" be where you are, and the opportunity to experience the life you are creating has a chance.  Do everything you can to be where you think you want to be -- where you think you need to be -- and then let it go.  And just experience what is.

I was sitting in a holding cel in the North Las Vegas Detention Center on 13 September 2008.  I missed the 2008 September Strip Peace Walk memorializing the moment on 11 September our whole world reached critical mass for the change that we now see as clear as day.  It was, for me, a very important walk because it brought together all the sides for one common reason, re-member-ing. 

And, from each group we outreached to be a part of the Walk -- from the Support The Troops (the "flag wavers") and Veterans groups to the 9-11 Truth Out to everyone in between -- they were going to each lead a part of the walk from the Statue of Liberty to our Federal Building, showing solidarity that no matter where we are in our beliefs concerning 11 September, we remember together and we will go forward from there -- having come together for that time in a unifying singular purpose.

September 13 was about building a "more perfect union" based on a deep impacting event that hit our nation -- our world.  While I sat in the cel, pacing as I did that day, I tried so hard to understand what was going on -- why I was there -- in that holding cel rather than experiencing that walk.  There was, that day, no real answer or explanation in my head.

But, today, the answer to that changes every day because there is no one reason why anything happens.

Any given experience of the individual is the result of the interaction between the choices of the individual and everyone else on the planet in that moment.  When we experience a homeless person and feel whatever it is we feel, that is the same connection.  Whether you are strangers or intimates, your choices have the same connection to the continuum of life that is experienced by everyone, every day.  The impact of your choices vary, obviously, on those most closely to you with those half-a-world away, but the connection is always the same.

Everything we create and experience creates our world, together.  And, we do what we do, ultimately for one reason:  the survival our species.  Sure, we can go to the ego and say all our personal reasons for doing any one thing, but underneath all that it is about our collective survival -- our children.

Protect our children -- all of them.  Plan for the future -- for all of them.  Be with them -- all of them.  They are never not our children, our future, our only hope, our survival.  Love them without prejudice.

discriminate = hate = violence = death.

love = love.

K.I.S.S., for us blondes!

peace & harmony,
elaine
'freedom must be exercised to stay in shape!'

Most People In Jail Belong There,

present company included, because of some stupid mistake they made.

OR DO THEY?  DO I?  I spent many an afternoon, evening, morning, middle of the night, laying down staring at a white wall or white ceiling, wondering why we jail people for making mistakes?

Think about the last mistake you made and what if your entire life was turned upside down because now you had to take a 4 month hiatus from your life in the next instant.

Because, that's how fast if could happen.

Think about it for a bit.

Everything and

Everyone

Gone.

It makes you definitely think about all that you do in this moment a bit more critically, doesn't it.  And, I did a lot of that in jail -- criticizing that is.  I have notebooks full of papers with lots of words about everything that happened to me and criticizing everyone for why i was in jail.  But, the truth was, i was in jail and no one but me controlled that -- well, i'm sure that [insert Enemy X here] would like to think they had a part in it --  but, i was the one sitting there, and i knew it was, ultimately, my choice to be there. 

The reflection on those thoughts are very different  today than it was during week 3 or even 14.  I could have walked away from it all.  I was given several opportunities to do just that.  But if you walk away from every opportunity for experience because of fear of the consequences, well, you walk away.  Life can be found while walking away, but I think I discovered I'm a "just walk into it" kinda girl!

" Determination (or persistence) --
doing the same thing over and over again
expecting things to change.  B) "

As, always, there is the possibility that i have it backwards.

There are days that can never happen again.

Know that today is one of them.

peace & harmony,
elaine
'freedom must be exercised to stay in shape!'